You can do anything you set your mind to (except that)
Have you ever had someone act cold toward you for no apparent reason?
When I started my career at Big Four, I found myself in that situation. There was a woman on my team who was one of the most popular people on the floor. All day, I’d hear her cracking jokes with my colleagues. But for whatever reason, when it came to our interactions, she was cold.
I tried just about everything to change that. Making jokes, offering to help her with work…anything to get on her good side. Despite all my efforts, none of it ever landed.
It was one of the first times I felt truly powerless about something in my career. Nothing I tried seemed to change how she treated me.
I’d always believed that if I worked hard enough at something, I could make it happen. And in many areas of my career, that belief has served me well.
But here was something that effort couldn’t seem to fix.
So how do you know when to keep pushing, and when to accept what you can’t control?
Just work harder
I’m a big believer that the biggest thing holding us back is often times ourselves, as cheesy as that sounds. Sometimes we get stuck before we’ve even tested what we’re capable of. We don’t dream big enough, or we stop after the first few obstacles.
Later in my career, I was having a conversation with my boss, explaining that I wanted the CFO title despite only having a few years of experience. He smiled and told me that to get that title, clients expect to see a few more grey hairs.
He wasn’t wrong, but I didn’t accept it. Within a year, I decided to go off on my own. And when I had calls with new clients, I didn’t introduce myself as an analyst. I introduced myself as a CFO.
Many passed on the opportunity to work with me, but a few gave me a chance. Within six weeks of going off on my own, I was already making double the salary I’d earned at my old job.
I knew I had what it took to step up to the plate. And there was something empowering about pursuing it without waiting for someone else to tell me I was ready.
Building the life and career you want takes a belief that your actions can make a difference, and a willingness to keep working when things get difficult.
But that same belief can also be dangerous. Because the truth is, working hard can only get you so far.
Influence Over Control
A lot of the stresses of my day follow the same pattern.
Someone doesn’t show up for a meeting we had scheduled. A client resurfaces after being impossible to reach and suddenly needs something done tomorrow. A team member isn’t performing the way I’d hoped.
My instinct is to fix it. Find the right words, explain things differently, try a little harder.
But I’m realizing that I can’t control those around me. At best, I can influence them.
And learning where that influence ends has been a never-ending pursuit.
I can communicate expectations, set boundaries, and hold people accountable. I can hold myself to high standards and speak directly without being demeaning.
But even when I do all of that, things won’t always go the way I want. And I can’t fix that, no matter how hard I try. Because wihle I can control my own actions, for everything else, I’m learning to accept that I’m not in control.
The toughest part of my experience at Big Four wasn’t the work or the long hours. It was the people I worked with. And while I couldn’t make them like me, I could choose to leave and build something else.
When I speak with people struggling with their coworkers, I encourage them to consider whether a different environment would help. Being around the wrong people can be mentally draining.
But changing your environment won’t change one thing: you’ll still face outcomes you can’t control. Learning to accept that is a lifelong practice.
So I’d love to learn from you: how do you accept what you can’t control while working hard to change what you can?
Hit reply and let me know.
Have a great weekend (though I can’t control whether you will or won’t 😉)
Josh (Your CFO Guy)
Thanks for reading my article. My goal is to help you grow in your career with proper Finance and Accounting.
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